March 2021

So it has been a year of lockdown. Another year of my life. I have gotten involved in another serious relationship and it feels like it bound to be added to the recycling bin. 

I don't know, at 31 years old. I see the complexity of things like I never appreciated them fully before. I see how getting involved in a relationship is just more time, effort and emotion. All that work looks like an overwhelming pile, that I do not even want to get started on. Perhaps it's easier not too. 

I could excuse my lack of relationship for something simple, like successful job. Surgery is perfect, brush off the failings of my willingness to engage as a lack of time. What a plausible human reason. 

It is about time I am honest. At least with myself. I do not want it. I feel like for the first time in my life, I am free of my parents, my siblings and the emotional oppression of school. I am free to just feel my own emotions. Make my own choices. Have some peace and quiet. I guess, like any 60 year old women having raised a family - they feel much the same.